On Sin

I believe that we all struggle with some sin or the other. We may not know it’s sin, but we struggle nonetheless. A person with a loose tongue is just as sinful as a person who steals. In the eyes of The Lord, all sin is sin and it hurts His heart.

Some sins, however, are not just hurtful to The Lord’s heart, but to His temple which is our physical body. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. They are no more sin than others and only by grace are we truly saved from them. But first, we need to recognize our sin. 

The other day, I had a patient with Bell’s Palsy. She didn’t understand what was going on in her body and was scared beyond reason. Her equally clueless family and friends had called with “visions” attributing her symptoms to demonic attacks. One family member said that her symptoms were warning signs of an impending stroke. ‘Scared’ doesn’t do justice to the way she was feeling. 
Not until I explained to her the nature of the condition, cause, and effect was she able to relax and accept the role she’d have to play and the role of physiotherapy in her healing process. 

Until we call something what it is, we can’t take care of it.

Sadly, we’re quicker to see the sin in others than in ourselves. Like my patient’s family and friends, we’re more likely to exaggerate  a person’s sin when we’re looking at them as outsiders. The good Lord didn’t say to first remove the log in your eye for parable sake. He understood. 

When we really look at our sin and call it what it is, we’re able to look at others through lens of our own unworthiness and see them as people with specks in their eye. They’re become people just like us instead of sin personified. 

I’ve been on a journey lately of coming to love people like God loves them. I could never love that much, I know, but I can see them how He does. I realize that I’m a little more merciful toward even difficult people because they’re just like me- struggling with something. 

I recognize my own struggle with the sin of people-pleasing. I often consider how people feel about me or my actions, and overlook what The Lord has said concerning the situation. It’s ultimately selfish and it takes advantage of God’s merciful nature. Worse still, I know that if I love Him as much as I think I do, I’d be hurt by whatever hurts Him. There’s a fault.

Because I’m aware of the log in my eye, I’m able to see people in their sin as more than just sin and it is life-affirming. All sin is sin, people, and as saved as we are, we must stay vigilant to make sure sin doesn’t control us. 

The Lord sees us in love. We’ve gotta strive to be like Him.

xx, 

Kimberly 

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Jesus’ will is sweet

This needs repeating. His will is sweet ❤️

Scott's Blog

Tonight during work instead of thinking ‘I’m tired very tired. I tried thinking ‘Jesus is refreshing me’.
I felt refreshed. He did it. Not so much because I said it or even asked. Just because He is utterly good.

Thy will be done.

I have wrote about this before but it needs refreshing in my mind.
Before I used to think that I had to pray ‘thy will be done’ as an out for when God did not do what I needed Him to.

Now I see that His will is beautiful. It is better then what I want. It is sweet.

I was thinking on the ride home from work today which was amazing that the devil did not want to do God’s will. The devil thought that it would be easy to help people to not want it either. The devil does try and convince me that God…

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Thoughts

These days, I’m in a near constant state of unrest. I feel like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong or will go wrong. 

There’s no thought anymore. No considering how I want to be remembered. Not even the food going into my body causes me to stop and think. I’m afraid to be alone with myself. 

I know what I need. Peace. I need to live each day without wondering whether life’ll blow up in my face. I try to reach for it knowing that it’s the deepest desire of my soul but it seems so far away. 

Isaiah comes to mind at this time;

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You. Isaiah 26:13 [NIV]

What’s the focus of my heart? Is it The One who gave me life from love, or has fear taken His place? 

I trust every word in the Bible as being from God but I feel unworthy to claim the promises as mine. It should be simple- loving God and living for Him- but my lazy heart doesn’t want simple. She wants easy. 

I don’t know how the characters in my beloved Christian romance novels do it. They seemingly live lives of complete surrender; their souls, at all times, chanting, “Not my will, but Thine.” Their hearts are always stayed on God. 

I need that more than air, and without it my soul shrivels into a shell of its true self. But living it is difficult. There are so many things in the way- difficult people, a lack of income, a government which cares only about getting rich off her people. It makes The Father’s will seem completely out of sync with mine. 

How, in spite of all this, can my soul attain her deepest desire?  

With trust and patience. 

Life isn’t all about having what we want when we want it but about The One who gave us life. And we can rest assured that God is always good. His will for us is always good. His thoughts toward us are always good. We have it good

Sure, we’ll make mistakes along the way and feel more undeserving of His freely given grace but it won’t change a thing. We don’t have to work for grace. 

It’s the most difficult thing but the only way my soul can be free and finally have peace- Surrender. 

I surrender my will for Yours. 

Not my will but Thine. 

xx, 

Kimberly 

On the Foundation

“God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning- the sixth day.” Genesis 1:31 [NIV]

Last night, I had one of the worst episodes of cramping in known history. Surely it was amplified because I wasn’t in a position to scream some of the pain away, but I assure you- it was bad. 

Not until this evening did I consider that God might not see my tears and writhing in distress as good. 

I have to ask myself, and you, an important question (and I expect answers please)- What discomfort in your life have you learned to see as your normal? 

In many cases, we don’t even realize that there could be better because pain is all we know. It’s how we’ve lived for as long as we can remember, and how we expect to continue living. It’s such a part of life that without it, we become unsettled and question everything. 

I can count, on one hand, the times Aunt Flo has visited without bringing the pain. Every time, I thought something was wrong with me. Looking back on it, it’s amazing. I was pain-free yet thinking something might be broken. 

Thankfully, I spend a vast majority of my days not considering pregnancy as an escape from misery and therefore, I understand that pain shouldn’t be normal. 

On Wednesdays we have mid-week communion services. Today was no exception. During the sermon, my pastor said something which got me thinking; 

It goes against the covenant which we have with God to be sick. Exodus 15:26.

I thought back to the beginning, the foundation of man and remembered that The Lord made the earth and it’s inhabitants and called it good. The things which came after the creation which were borne from sin were not a part of His initial “good”. 

“Thank God for God”, my mom always says. You can imagine the freeing peace that arrested me when it dawned on me that inexplicable pain isn’t good to God and shouldn’t be normal for me.

I declared God’s goodness over myself, took the communion and am free. As I type this, I’m still realigning the part of me which says, “it’s just the way you are” but I’m basking in goodness. 

The next time someone asks you what’s good, think about it- what is good? 

xx, 

Kim 

A little further now

I had my heart broken today.

After months of hoping for a new beginning at a nice university in Dublin, with nervous trembling, I read the most annoying email this morning- ‘Application unsuccessful.’ 

It’s not okay, but I am. Although I have yet to meet a person who could inspire such a response, I can now relate with the heroines in my Victorian era Christian romance novels when their hands tremble with emotion. 

Limbo is the only term I can think of which describes the phase of life I’m in right now- I’m not studying, but I’m not working either. I spend my days sitting at home cursing MTN for their incompetence in providing mobile data and doing everything possible to not provoke my parents’ ire. 

“…Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13 [ESV]

Although the situation is less than ideal and I often find myself anxious about the future, I’m content. I know that no matter where I am, I’m not alone and that no matter what happens, it’s not a surprise to God. 

It’s completely astounding that even in the midst of pain, I’m secured in a love so great and confident in spite of my uncertainty. I’m reminded that missing a step doesn’t mean I have to start over. It just means my destination’s just a little further. 

As cliché as it sounds, the journey’s part of the fun if you’re traveling with the right people. I’m glad I take time to remind myself whose I am, and that He is with me every step of my journey. 

xx, 

Kim 

Coming Home

I’m home! Finally, after years in Malaysia studying, gaining weight, making friends, gaining some more weight, becoming a physical therapist and evolving as a person, I’m back home. I don’t know for how long I’ll be home but it doesn’t matter. I’m home in the country I love and with the people I love. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve learned so much in the last 6 months, it’s astounding. When you reach a certain age, it’s easy to think, “Well, this is it. I’ve seen everything.” I tell you now, it never ends. There are an infinite amount of things to learn. One just needs to have open mind and a teachable spirit.

In many ways, I dreaded coming back home. It felt like leaving one home for another less familiar one. Of course, in reality it couldn’t have been further from the truth, but in the weeks leading up to my return home, I battled anxiety like I’d never known. In that period, I knew I had to distract myself or the anxiety would consume me so I turned to social media. Thankfully, I cleansed my social media of as much garbage as possible last year so it wasn’t as harmful as it could have been.

On my final day in Kuala Lumpur, while packing my things (and forgetting a lot of stuff), my anxiety levels were sky high so, in an effort to relax, I went on Instagram where I saw a post which mentioned the Netflix documentary, What The Health. That was a turning point in my life. I watched the documentary twice while I packed and again while waiting for time to go by. It caused me to stop and think through the things I put in my body. I actually considered going vegan. Me. The chicken lady!

I’ve since read a lot of studies on the subject and still am on the vegan train but it’s tough. It’s been especially difficult because I can hardly resist the smell of my mom’s cooking which, most times, has meat in it. Although I’ve drastically cut down on meat, I haven’t completely cut it out. I’m trying though. This morning, for some reason, I ate suya (grilled strips of goat(?) meat) with bread and promptly fell asleep.

The lethargy I felt after eating isn’t uncommon especially with people who haven’t eaten meat for a while. The re-introduction of meat into the system is, I assume, disorienting, and therefore causes the body to work harder to break down the food. (Don’t quote me on that!) As I type this, I’m still uncomfortable but in a way, it’s a blessing because I know that I never want to feel this way again. So no more suya for me.

You live and you learn.

Hugs and fuzzy feelings,

Kimberly.

Glorify

Lately, I’ve gotten really into audiobooks. Maybe it’s the 4 hour commutes, or the uncomfortable silences. I’m not sure what it is but it doesn’t matter; audiobooks are where it’s at. I even discovered that my bible app has an audio feature! (Y’all, listen to the message version- it’s life giving.) 

Anyway, I was listening to a Jessie by Lori Wick which is a story about redemption, and love, and forgiveness and all that good stuff. In the course of the story there seemed to be a recurring theme- relationships which glorify God. When I asked myself what that meant, I had to really think about it. 

What does it mean to have a relationship which glorifies God?

The Bible, in 2 Corinthians 6 verses 14 onwards, says to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Is it that what it means to glorify God in one’s relationship? I don’t think that’s all of it. 

To glorify, according to the dictionary, means to acknowledge and reveal the majesty and splendeur of God by one’s actions

In relationships, how can we acknowledge and reveal God’s majesty? 

It takes much more than being with a fellow believer to show God’s majesty to the world around us. True love is what shows how awesome God is. It’s not just the mushy stuff- looking dreamily into the eyes of one’s partner, holding hands, stealing kisses when nobody’s looking- but it’s a relationship where mutual honor is a cornerstone. 

In Jessie, one couple clearly glorifies God with their relationship in such an astounding way, I want to have such a relationship. They love each other and put the needs of the other above their individual needs. They also love the people around them, continually praying and offering help wherever they can. 

I want my life and my relationships to always glorify God above all else. I want honor and humility to be the things I’m known for. 

How do you glorify God with your life and relationships?

xx, 

Kimberly 💜

 

Losing Myself

I wish this was a story about becoming less so that Christ would become more. It’s not. It’s about forgetting who I am, and becoming someone I didn’t even know. 

As you may already know, I was recently on clinical placement for 3 months, from March until the end of May, and it was pretty interesting. A lot of the placements were quite a distance from my campus, so I basically lived on my brother’s couch. I’m not sure what it is about not being in my own space but things in my life gradually started changing; many not positively. 

There’s an unmistakeable sense of discipline that comes from living by oneself which I mostly had when I lived on campus. I had a routine which was mostly limited to running, school, language lessons, work, language lessons, room, running, church, work, school,… Y’all see where I’m going with that. 

When I moved in with my brother, however, a need to not impose caused me to mostly blend in with the atmosphere of his apartment. In so doing, I neglected a lot of the things which make me unique. Of course I was with family so comfort was never an issue until it became a problem. 

9am to 5pm is no joke, y’all. I applaud every member of the working class for not breaking down every single day. Every individual who makes up the working class is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. 

Usually, I left home before the sun rose and returned after it’d set. So most of my free time consisted of sleeping or eating. Not much else went on. Because I was tired all the time, there seemed to be no time to work on me. Like a log in a river, I began drifting aimlessly until I took a hard look at where I was and decided to consciously steer in the right direction.  

I’m still finding myself again, and with the help of the Almighty, this last month in Malaysia will be a time of crazy growth. 

I just thought I’d let y’all in on my crazy. All prayers are appreciated. 

“For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.” Proverbs 24:16 [ESV]

xx, 

Kimberly 😘 

Being Kind To Yourself

Happy Easter, everyone! Although the holiday is officially over, I’m still celebrating the fact that He is risen and therefore I am free. I hope you are too. 

Recently, on a train journey to work, I had the weirdest thought; “I’m not as kind to myself as I could be.” 

It started out with me thinking about the things I enjoy doing. I’ll let you in on a little part of me. I love reading and writing. Love! I also love hosting people. I’m not sure whether I’m at party planner level yet but I love it. I also really like running. 

Those are the few that came to mind. I thought about the last time I did any of the things I love just because. It’s been forever. 

The last time I ran was the day I dislocated my patella and even then, I did it because I wanted to start a whole weight loss thing. I can’t remember the last time I read just to get lost in a story, or the last time I poured my heart onto a page. 

What do I do for myself? 

Thinking hard on the train, I realized that many of the things I do are not thought through beforehand. I haven’t thought about myself and consciously loved myself in a really long time. 

One might think that’s the most praiseworthy attribute a person can have, but I tell you what I know to be true; 

Unless you truly love yourself, you can’t truly love another. 

How can you show love to yourself if you are not first kind to yourself? The Bible makes this requirement of loving oneself clear in the great commandment. 

“Love The Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no greater commandment than these.” [Mark 12:30, Matthew 22:37, Deuteronomy 6:5. Emphasis mine]

So I have to examine my heart. I have to get to know me again, and love me. If I don’t, I’m useless to the world around me. 

Let me know in the comments below how you love yourself. 

xo, 

Kimberly. 

This I Believe (Part 1) 

A few days ago, I walked right into an annoying situation and it’s been really bugging me. If you know me, you know I love to laugh. So I was browsing through Netflix, and stumbled onto a stand-up comedy special. Not 5 minutes in, the comedian was bashing Christianity, saying that Christians are gullible for believing in what we do. I’ve been thinking on it much, and you know what? It sucks that the people who pick on Christians the most are the ones who were raised Christian, and for some reason or the other, lost their faith. 

I don’t believe in a myth nor am I gullible for having faith. My faith isn’t based on anyone else’s faith, but on what I have found to be true from the God’s word. 

This I believe;

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 [from memory]

I believe that God loves me fiercely enough that He sent Jesus to forgive all my sins; past present and future. 

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 [NIV]

I believe that I am saved by grace. Saved from any and every form of torment because I now belong to God. 

“…and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20 [NIV]

I believe that I am never alone. No matter how lonely I may feel and if my friends betray me, I am always in the company of The Lord. Because He said so. 

“So in Christ Jesus, you are all children of God through faith” Galatians 3:26 [NIV]

I believe that I am God’s child. I have a home with Him, and He genuinely loves to chill with me. Just like my Dad does! 

That’s just some of what I believe. Most of all, I believe in Jesus. 

xx, 

Kimberly